Your Kids and Addiction

Every parent wants their children to live healthy lives. Unfortunately, the problem with young kids and teens dealing with addictions has not changed throughout the years. In many cases, it is worse and seems to be following trends. Who is reporting these facts? Astonishingly it is not just advocates for children and the medical community, but the kids themselves. 

With social media as the norm, kids are putting so much about their lives and those of their “friends” online. As parents, we could argue that these are merely statements to get attention and that social media may inflate the truth. However, with the death rate of children and teens on the rise, can we afford not to take it seriously. Today, the trend for social media is more visual than ever Various new platforms pop up all the time that widens the window into their lives. 

Addiction and destructive lifestyles are not new. However, they are also no longer private. Kids are wearing their pain on their digital sleeves (screens). The monster seems to be taking root in so many areas of life. Now it has blossomed in the doctor medicated community. The very place where there is supposed to be healing is a breeding ground for pain and destruction.

As someone that has worked in information technology monitoring, specifically that of students, I can tell you that very few parents are aware of the size of the problem. If your kid wants to escape reality, it is in the pockets and backpacks of their classmates. However, many parents don’t discuss or dig into the matter. They tell themselves that it would never happen to their child. A proclamation that those encountering tragedy state after the fact. They (parents) are also scared to encounter it. They don’t want to accuse. They don’t want issues to flare up at home. Some parents knowingly turn a blind eye to their child’s involvement under their own roof. I have seen this happen repeatedly.

Am I saying that your kids are bad, weak, or immoral? Am I implying that some readers may be doing a lousy job of connecting with their kids and the struggles that they face? What I am saying is that despite all the resources, programs, and campaigns, substance abuse is on the rise accompanied by depression. Drugs are a part of our culture. Call it what you want. Some of your kids may be getting access to it at school. Others are getting access to drugs from their family doctors or the misuse of prescription meds. 

During my time in education technology, I monitored an interesting evolvement of the drug culture. The only part that did not change was that substance abuse and addiction did not go away. Surprisingly to this old guy, what has changed is how young people are talking about it and the lack of shame factor that exists. The victim mentality and condition norming have almost made it tolerable unless you get caught selling it or you accidentally or intentionally O.D. At that point, the whole family gets drug into the limelight.   

Trust me when I say that you don’t have to be a crappy parent for your child to become a part of this culture. Many a loving and vigilant parent still fails to prevent this plague from touching their family. This problem is not solely root in genetics. We must be aware of the culture. How can we do everything possible to battle this issue? Start communication early. Don’t shelter and hide your kids or even yourself to what reality is. Your kids are going to encounter this culture. The question is whether they and you will do it well informed with a healthy dialog. 

If your family has been affected by substance abuse and addiction, you can’t go at this thing alone. Alone is usually a recipe for failure. You need to reach out to professionals that can assist you. Reach out to clergy, family, and community for help. If you do not, you will enable the problem.

For those of you fortunate enough to have very young kids, just starting a family, etc., Start talking now. Educate yourself. Get involved. This is a problem that will not go away. However, you can minimize the damage and risks if you are proactive. Talk to your kids. Listen to them. Make them your hobby. Give them your time. Be the best dad possible.

Deacon

Being a Dad with Several Children

So you are a dad. You have embraced the joy and challenge of becoming a real live hero. Awesome. However, what happens when your family continues to grow? Are 2 kids harder to manage? Are 3 kids harder still? How do you divide your time? Will the second and 3rd child be like the first experience. (ha-ha mad scientist laugh).

I’m not taunting you but remembering my own experience. Having your first child is a huge learning experience. Sadly, most people make the most errors in dealing with their first child. I know that I did. Sorry son, if you are reading this. Actually, my son turned out amazing despite my inexperience and youth.

Most of the errors in dealing with a first child are quite common…at least for men. As awkward as you were when learning to ride a bike, drive a car, or tie your shoes, there are some basic similarities. You are not used to doing it. How do you get better at it?…repetition and time. The more you do any task, the better you can become. Eventually, it becomes manageable. Parenting is like this in many ways. It takes some getting used to. At first, you are or should be a bit nervous about the tasks that will become second nature after a while. Does it get easier? It appears that way, but actually no. You are just getting better at it.

I know it sounds horrible to say that your first child is like training. Probably the better term would be a growing process. If you have only one child, your attention can remain undivided and you can work for that child to perfection. If you have 2 or more, I have to say that in this writer’s opinion it is not 2 or 3 times as difficult. There are exceptions to the rule. However, most of the provisions for them will be similar.

The differences are in personalities, sex of the child, and any special needs. I don’t think I am alone on this. Perhaps the parents of several children can collaborate. However, when I look at my 3 kids, it is hard to believe that they have all come from the same parents. Obviously, there can be similarities in appearance, but in personality…holy cow.

My first son was the only child of my first marriage. Yes, I married twice. That will be discussed in another post. He lived with his mother and me until he was 5, spent 5 years with her, then requested to come back to living with me at the age of 10. Personality wise he was artistic. Although he was good at wrestling, he was a musician at heart. He was/is more of a loaner. I know that may sound weird, but he just never “needed” a crowd. He was very obedient and aimed to please. Personality wise, he was a piece of cake.

Second, we have my middle child…a boy. Her was the party. He was/is SUPER social and an amazing athlete. Music skills…not so much. Okay, it was awful. He was also the most combative of the three. Tell him that the sky was blue and you would get an argument. He had/has a temper, although MUCH better as an adult. He was a daredevil, doing crazy stunts…no fear.

My last child is my only daughter. She was a sweet little princess, with one major exception. She HATED to lose. As a matter of fact, if I got called from the school concerning a fight, my question was usually what did she do? If you merge a soccer star, lawyer, and Ronda Rousey together, that would be her. Once, when she was in the 2nd grade, a little boy tried to lift her dress in the classroom. She hit him with a chair…no joke.

When it comes to the sex of the child, there is usually a different way in which dads deal with their daughters. Despite all the different beliefs, moments, and campaigns concerning sex and gender, I believe that the relationship is different. Not to sound too caveman on the issue, my boys were a beat on myself source of pride. My daughter had/has my heart in her hands.

When it comes to special needs, there is definitely another level of concern and concentration that takes place. I will not be so arrogant as to assume what these parents endure or the challenges that they face. I just believe that God equips them with special strength and gifts to be able to face those challenges.

I hope and pray that through this blog, that I may grow to know more dads with special needs children. Your love and strength are so inspiring. I never want to just walk up to these men and start asking questions. I hope that some of you will reach out to me and share your story, so that I may learn and become better equipped to serve those in this situation.

So there is learning, training, errors, and differences that must be faced by the multiple child dad. Regardless of how many children you have or will have. Give them all the love and strength you can. Please reach out to me with any questions and or comments. Let’s continue to be the best dad that we can be.

Deacon